


Silence (Depressed!Levi X Dead!Reader) Modern AU

by HumanitysBiggestBrat



Category: Shingeki no Kyojin | Attack on Titan
Genre: F/M, meh..I tried
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2015-05-13
Updated: 2015-05-13
Packaged: 2018-03-30 10:10:35
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,040
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/3932824
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/HumanitysBiggestBrat/pseuds/HumanitysBiggestBrat
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
      <p>Welp, I was in the mood to write a sad one-shot.<br/>I quoted Shane Koyczan's "To this day" and "I've got no strings" from Pinocchio.</p>
    </blockquote>





	Silence (Depressed!Levi X Dead!Reader) Modern AU

**Author's Note:**

> Welp, I was in the mood to write a sad one-shot.  
> I quoted Shane Koyczan's "To this day" and "I've got no strings" from Pinocchio.

One could imagine what life would be like without regret.  
Without constantly wondering if the coherency of one’s decisions was too little to evoke some sensuality.  
And I have many.  
But you, my dear were not one of them.  
You were the one thing I did right.  
You were the one constant in the revolving door of chaos that was my pathetic excuse for a life.  
You were worth the pain.  
The waiting.  
The wondering if I was worthy enough to obtain an unachievable object such as love.  
You were worth the time.  
The minutes that ticked by were minutes closer to having you for the remainder of my lowly days.  
You were my beacon of light in the sea of darkness.  
Silently coaxing me out of the abyss and into your warm arms.  
You were everything good, everything pure.  
My only regret was not realizing sooner.  
Now I awake to silence.  
A thick penetrating silence that fills my ears with its unwelcomed presence.  
I pretend that the empty void beside me is not there because I know if I acknowledge it, I might shatter.  
I refrain from stretching because I know my cold fingers won’t find your warm body pressed against mine.  
And I understand as to why you didn’t tell me, but it would have been nice to have some notice before hand.  
That light that once filled my days once more turned ashen and grey.  
I treasured you like one would a delicate flower.  
And I always wondered why all beautiful things died so young.  
The once gentle days spend with you turned into mere empty spaces that consumed me.  
And all at once, I was right back to where I started before you graced my life.  
Living like the up hills were mountains and the down hills were cliffs.  
Some would say four fifths suicidal.  
A tidal wave of anti-depressants.  
You were always there to tether me to the ground when my mind threatened to take me to Hell.  
Now my days consistent of trying to grasp at thin pieces of thread while having a therapy session with the Devil.  
The walls that once protected me, the ones you broke down: I build them higher and stronger.  
Impenetrable.  
And I hide behind like a scared child would hide behind a parent.  
My mind is constantly replaying your final days in my head.  
A broken record, each time, your face losing distinction, your voice losing depth and tone.  
Like my mind is trying to erase you from my records.  
I lay in bed and desperately try to conjure up the image of your beautiful face, your beautiful eyes, your lips.  
Everything I found archaic about you vanishing.  
And each time, I lose one more detail until you become some indistinguishable visage.  
I talk to you in my sub-conscious.  
But even then, you slip away in the morning.  
\-----  
I push you softly in your chair, towards the edge of the water.  
The sun just barely peeking over the low horizon line. The sun dying rays bouncing off you face and masking the fatigue coloring your eyes dark.  
“It’s so beautiful,” I heard you whisper softly. I stand behind you, gently running my fingers through your hair, long since grown out from your lack of treatment.  
“It is, isn’t it?” I ask you softly. You turn around to look at me, a small smile adorning your precious features. I take my place at your side and sit in the dampened sand.  
We sit in silence, my hand lingering towards your soft cold one.  
Finally, you say: “Thank-you, Levi”.  
My head turns towards you, my face twisting in confusion.  
“For what?” I ask, kneeling in front of you, taking your face in my cupped hands.  
You lean forward and place your feverish lips on mine. “For loving me,” you whispered.  
\-----  
I cried for the first time three days after your funeral.  
Silent tears that turned into heavy, debilitating sobs.  
Curled up on the floor and pounding mercilessly at the wood beneath my withering figure.  
\-----  
“It hurts, Levi,” you whispered softly, water streaming out of the corners of your eyes. I hug you closer to my chest rock you back and forth. I struggled desperately to keep it together. Seeing you in pain only added to the pain I was feeling.  
O how I wanted to carry your heavy burden as my own.  
“You remember what you promised me?” you asked me, looking up through heavy lidded eyes. “How I’d get to see the ocean one last time?”  
I swallow back a sob that threatens to escape my throat. “I do,” I say quietly, unable to response over a whisper for fear of breaking down completely.  
“It doesn’t look like you’ll be keeping that promise,” you say.  
Since the day I found out you were sick, I knew this day was going to come.  
“I really wanted kids,” you laugh lightly. “Two of them”.  
“What would you have named them?” I ask you, tears streamed steadily down my face.  
“Eren and Mikasa,” you say, your voice faltered, giving away to a relentless fit of coughing.  
I hold you until you’ve settled. Your breathing becomes heavy, desperately trying to fill your lungs with the substance your body rejects.  
And I continue to hold you as your breathing became irregular, quietly singing a song you used to go around the house singing. My voice breaking now and again, saddening this usually upbeat tune.  
“I’ve got no string to hold me down  
To make me fret, or make me frown”.  
You breathing slowed down, your eyes finding mine.  
“I had no strings”.  
Your eyes slowly began to close.  
“But now I’m free”.  
Your eyes closed, putting you in an endless sleep.  
Your heart monitor flat lined.  
I sang the last line, barely audible.  
“There are no strings on me”.  
\-----  
(F/N), I finally figured out the answer to my question.  
Why do all beautiful things die so young?  
Because the world we live in has a way of corrupting the beautiful and warping them into human beings.  
I thought I disbanded my allegiance with those monsters despite being one myself when I met you.  
Maybe that’s why I’m still here  
And you’re up there.


End file.
